The · Definition · of · Coked · Out

There's so much happening, not enough of it good, and I can't be inspired to write about it now, but let's just say I'm significantly emotionally drained.

My family isn't going to be together this christmas. This boxing day. Which is our christmas becuase of spouses etc. There's nothing I can do about it, but this changes a lot. This changes how my family interacts, how we speak of eacother, who we mention around who and who we don't.

We were doing so well, but not as well as I thought we were. Apparently I was looking at our family through rose coloured glasses and no one ever thought to shatter them for me to make this a little less painful.

    it might not seem like a big deal, but this will change us and it's already changed me.

it's not my fault, no, but it is my family and i want to see them happy. i want to fix them. i want to fix them so badly but i really can't and i can't be expected to, as much as i am.

no sex in three months!!!!!!

BOOMSHAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKA
LAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKA
LAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKA
LAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKA
LAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKA
LAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKA
LAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKA
LAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKA
LAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKA
LAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKA
LAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKA
LAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKA
LAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKA
LAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKA

and i saw a boy that i adore so hard and i DID NOT SLEEP with him. and I WILL not sleep with him. No sir, not me, not I!

And no, it was not the Chad.

so leanna popped by in my last hour of work, and then came over to my place after work where we chatted and such, and then she left around 4:30 and then I managed to stay awake for maybe an hour more before PASSING THE FUCK OUT and waking up at 11:30.

awesome? i think so.

i hope every enjoyed birthday parties, nuit blanche, gratuitious drinking and whatever else it was that people seemed to be getting up to tonight!

i'm off to bed again, work beckons in the a.m.

i hate my job.

Well, alright, here's what's been going on in my life, as I've not really been around a lot lately.

1) I had to take Bree to the vet today because on Monday I noticed she had some redness around her nail on her right back paw. I let it ride a couple days, see if maybe it was just an agitation of some kind but today the little one was limping so I =had= to take her in because, well, wtf, so $400 later, she had an ear infection which she scratched with her back paw which spread to her nail which made her gimpy. So now it's a month of pills and drops and another vet visit next week to make sure she's on track.

But she's okay.

2) I've decided to take an extra semester worth of classes to make my life easier over the coming fall/winter semesters. So graduation is now January 2009.

3) I've been doing my readings for class. WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?

4) I got my student line of credit increase, so I'm not going to be a blitthering ball of stress with regards to money.

5) There are no boys in my life. No prospects, not looking, just trying to take care of myself right now. Chad's there in the background, but that's always been the case since he showed up. I like it, but that's where things will stay, I think.

6) There was something else that I was going to say but I forgot. OH! I remember. I hate those fucking yoplait commercials. The one where the fucking grey hair dumbass dude is sitting in a 'bar' and is all like 'give me a double.' and then the stupid bar wench gives him a big container of fucking yogourt. And the other one where she's all "DID YOU KNOW IT HAS ONE TRILLION GAZILLION PROBIOTIC CULTURES!?!?!?!!" and then the greyhaired fuck turns around to the 'bar' and is all " I don't want to hear any of say that i'm not CULTURED."

WOW. they're really stretching it over there at Yoplait.

Oh and anyone who wants to come watch Grey's at my place tomorrow night is more than welcome. Come over a little before it starts(when is that?) and we'll get settled before. Bring your own snacks and such as I'm vacant except for a lettuce and carrots and my line of credit isn't in until next week:P

Love and Kittens.

OOH OH OH and PS if anyone has an extra can opener and/or vegetable peeler, could i have it?:D

So I've really only just hoped on the youtube band wagon in that i go on and find random crap when I'm bored. Naturally, since I'm the crazy cat lady, I happened upon some cat stuff that I found to be more than moderately amusing.

WATCH THEM.

&lt;script type="text/javascript" src="http://videoapi.cbcexposure.ca/api/script"></script>
<script type="text/javascript">viewNode("e50a14708f331");</script>

http://www.cbc.ca/exposure/node/6583

I have a terrible crisis at hand. I'm under siege by Horseflies. They materialized overnight on Monday so yesterday I woke up and went bleary eyed into my kitchen to see a little fly on the floor, 'oh poor fly, your wing is broken,' then i went to get my dustpan and looked up to see the fucking Alfred Hitchcockesque scene of FLIES perched precariously on my venetian blinds. I must've breathed too deeply because then it was BIRDS!!!!!!! but with FLIES!!!! and i ran out of my kitchen and locked myself in my room.

So I put on my rain coat and shoes, and marched into the kitchen, completely intent on opening the window and trapping them in there, and I went  to open the window, determined and sure, my heart beating fast in my chest, and then i looked to the handle of the window behind the fridge that was COVERED IN FUCKING FLIES. So naturally I ran away and locked myself in my room.

I'm good like that.

Then last night, i arrived home from my improv class and those fuckers were in my room. I had left a light on. They went to it. That's where I draw the line. My bedroom is my sanctuary; get the fuck out. So I grabbed my heaviest file folder and went after them. Chased them back into the kitchen, their little corpses littering my floor. And then I remembered a bug spray. A spray that had been left here by the previous owners that i wondered about and thought I should keep, thought it was maybe a sign of things to come. I've been here a year and have had no problems, so i forgot about it. So I dove into the haze into the kitchen, grabbed the bottle from under the sink, and sprayed like a mad woman. Oh, I should add that on the first encounter with these little winged beasts, I attempted to kill them by pulling up the blinds, but only succeeded in pulling =off= the blinds so my gargantuan kitchen window is now naked and all who live across from me are free to watch this battle in the shadows of their own kitchens, completely hidden from me.

I'm spraying, and inhaling, and getting a headache but I'm fucking maniacal by this point, I turn on the vacuum and go. Sucking the fuckers right out of the air. I have to change that bag, p.s., and then i ran away and locked myself and the cat in my room for the rest of the night.

I emerged this morning to go for a coffee with a man, and I went into the kitchen before I left, and their tortured little bodies were strewn across my floor. Feeling a little satisfied, I left for my coffee date. I came back, elated, and happily sucked them up into oblivion from my floor and now I find myself here; preparing for the final stand.

I'm off to get borax, sticky tubes, sprays and sealants.

Fuck. this. noise.

I'm taking this improv class downtown. Nothing serious, for jokes really. Someone offered me the class for free and I figured, what the hell, why not? All the people in my little bitty life are busier than I am for once, so why not kill a tuesday night like this?

So it's been pretty interesting so far, 5th week of an 8 week course, and I'm the only girl. All the boys there are very nice, very funny, and very talented too. There's one guy, he's the scum of the earth so naturally he wants me, but I'll get into him another day, because today, well, today i want to focus on a =man=

Oh and he is quite the man. He's tall, olive skinned, gorgeous arms, a voice to die for, eyes that could kill, a smile that could get him anything he wanted and hair that even I'm jealous of. He's a fucking fox. And flirtacious as hell. And I want him.
 
We were doing a scene together: Me, shallow valleygirl disappointed in her boyfriend's lack-of-bounce-hair-do
                                                             Him: eccentric russian hairstylist bent on wooing me with his bouncy locks.

Foxy Scott wraps arms around me, throws me into a dip and then holds me while gazing deep into my eyes........And all I could think was that I just wanted to rip off his clothes and fuck him right there. Holy jesus. It was ridiculous, and insane, but it was HOT.
And then he kept pulling me into scenes with him, and we had the best scen of the night at the end of it and it was insane, and hot, and ridiculous, and FUCK HE IS A BRONZE SEX GOD I AM SURE OF IT.

So goal for the end of the summer? Make him mine. I figure that's not too much to ask. That is, if he's not already seeing someone or gay.

I could fix  one of those......maybe both?

To all you ignorant fuckers out there who decide to hop on a mother fucking bike without knowing the goddamn regulations:

UNLESS YOUR WHEELS ARE 24 INCHES OR SMALLER GET YOUR FUCKING =VEHICLE= OFF THE GODDAMN SIDEWALK YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH.
 
Side walks are for pedestrians. Not grown men riding bikes who feel the need to lecture people walking out of doors onto the sidewalk.
This stupid son of a bitch is riding his bike, i come out of the fucking soul sucking second cup and he has the GALL to say to me that i need to "look to the right" when i come out of a door. Well fuck that noise you ignorant hose bag. So I tell him to get his bike off the sidewalk and then I won't have that problem of having to look right to avoid cyclists, since you know, you're not allowed to be on the sidewalk.
"that's not true"
fuck you it's not true, cocksucking scumbag.
"Um, it's a law. Sorry, a by-law."
"No it's not, I should know."
"Look I'm a cyclist too, and I've looked into these things. So SINCE YOU SHOULD KNOW maybe you should go LOOK IT UP"
"well that's just wrong"
"FUCK YOU AND SHUT UP, LOOK IT UP, BITCH."

FUCK THE WORLD AND ALL YOU PEOPLE IN IT. IF ONE MORE PERSON HASSLES ME TODAY I WILL FUCKING GUT YOU LIKE A FISH. FROM TESTES TO NECK OR CLIT TO NECK. EITHER ONE I WILL CUT YOU UP INTO TINY PIECES AND FEED YOU TO THE PIGEONS WHO WILL SHIT OUT YOUR REMAINS ON TO THE SIDEWALK THAT YOUR BIKE SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ON.

fuckers.

i know i've been a bad friend lately, i'll get better, i promise. i miss you people

So...as Annie sits doing Ayesha's science assignment, the two of them watched a video on msn.com about Miss America being booed by the Mexicans...Ayesha and Annie began to discuss the reasons why Mexicans wouldn't like Americans...and Ayeshas commented on how it would be like someone from Ontario speaking bad French to a Quebecois, she then proceeded to speak bad French...and at some point said...Comment Allez vous?  To which Annie responded by repeating said sentence to the tune of Feliz Navidad.  And that's when it hit them dear Andrew...the stupid thing they could never remember was how one time Annie started to sing Feliz Navidad only she said Comment Allez Vous instead and

Ayesha said, "Those aren't the lyrics."
Annie: They're not?
Ayesha: No, that's French...the song is Spanish...
Annie: Oh...Comment Allez Vous...dodododododododo

 Oh Good Times

ps. This was written by Ayesha

i'm kind of agonizing over this stupid thing.

i came home, i slept, and that was a bad idea because now i'm awake. i thought i was tired but i'm awake. and everyone else is asleep.

what a waste of a day.

shit.

TWO FREE DINNERS IN TWO NIGHTS.

shit son, and i ain't sleepin' wit none of 'em.

Well, one has the prospect, the other no.

But anywho.

hello world:D

i'm back.

good to know?

YES.

:O I JUST FIGURED OUT THE ANSWER TO MY JOURNAL FORMATTING ISSUES.

anyway, so boy #1:

CHRIS: from Oakville Ontario, once was a silly romantic entanglement which, alas, is just a funny friendship because he and i are just too incredifbly different people. BUT HE'S FREAKIN TALL. He came home from his military training up in Meaford for the weekend, so he stopped by to pay moi a visit. ANd we wander downtown for some dins
AND WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH ALL THE GODDAMN FIREWORKS IN THE ALLEYWAY PEOPLE?
thank the sweet fuck for renters insurance, stupid twats.
So that was nice and low key and fun and paid for because he's in the Army now, bitch can pay fo' mah meal and defend my ass from the 'Mercans.*

boy#2:
CAM: Not gonna lie about it, I met him via craigslist, bitches. It's the modern age, =deal= Anyway, he messaged me a while back, like february here people, and then when Boy#3-who-used-to-be-BOy-#1 came into the picture, I just thought it best to let him go. And then one day, out of the blue, before I went to the Germany(which I will write about and post pictures of later) sent me an email. So I responded and he kept emailing me while i was away and I came back and the first tiem we had talked on the phone, 15 minutes later the guy was asking me out as though we had been out a thousand times before. So he came over pretty much right after I was done work, and we sat in my apartment taking for like...4 hours before, in the middle of a sentence, he was all "we should get dinner" then he finished his thought and off we went. We drove down to East, had a great meal, took forever to eat, then we sat around and talked, took the long way to his car...he drove me home, walked me to my door...
AND THIS IS WHERE SHIT GETS FUZZY, PEOPLE, So I need helpful deciphering skillzzz:

he drove me home, walked me to my door, and i was all "wanna come up?">HOE ALERT< he was all "i can't because i have to drive my granny to church, 'cause she's one of those church goin' grannies'' then  he gave me a hug, said he'd talk to me later, and i said yeah, that i'd have to put his number in my phone and he's all "you should do that now" and then  he said that i should call if i'm bored and he'll call me if he's bored....

and then he was gone into the night

abuh?

anywayZ.

I guess people are long weekending?

Unless you're me or Ayesha. Who were forced to work for the man every night and day. Except that the hoe has monday off:O Whereas one may as well just chain me to my cash register at second cup. WHO IS LUCKY IN THIS PICTURE?

Oh and I'm also going to be applying at the downtown Sheraton for "Mini Bar Attendant"

YA HEARD ME.

Then I'd be working at the same place as wacko jacko.

OMFG don't tell her I called her that or she'd gut me like a fish.

SO there you have it, all my friends. There is a glimpse into the life that is mine.**
every last one of you is privy to this info, so use it well. Be wise. and feel free to incorporate it into birographies, autobiographies, memoirs, novellas, graphic novels....what ever you feel see fit. Why, you ask? BECAUSE I AM JUST THAT GOOD!

and really quite humble... :D

who wants to go camping this summer, Ayesha?:D

* Americans

** I finally saw Memoirs of a Geisha when I was in Germany...and i cried. SHUT UP.

TWO FREE DINNERS IN TWO NIGHTS. shit son, and i ain't sleepin' wit none of 'em. Well, one has the prospect, the other no. But anywho. hello world:D i'm back. good to know? YES. :O I JUST FIGURED OUT THE ANSWER TO MY JOURNAL FORMATTING ISSUES. anyway, so boy #1: CHRIS: from Oakville Ontario, once was a silly romantic entanglement which, alas, is just a funny friendship because he and i are just too incredifbly different people. BUT HE'S FREAKIN TALL. He came home from his military training up in Meaford for the weekend, so he stopped by to pay moi a visit. ANd we wander downtown for some dins AND WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH ALL THE GODDAMN FIREWORKS IN THE ALLEYWAY PEOPLE? thank the sweet fuck for renters insurance, stupid twats. So that was nice and low key and fun and paid for because he's in the Army now, bitch can pay fo' mah meal and defend my ass from the 'Mercans.* boy#2: CAM: Not gonna lie about it, I met him via craigslist, bitches. It's the modern age, =deal= Anyway, he messaged me a while back, like february here people, and then when Boy#3-who-used-to-be-BOy-#1 came into the picture, I just thought it best to let him go. And then one day, out of the blue, before I went to the Germany(which I will write about and post pictures of later) sent me an email. So I responded and he kept emailing me while i was away and I came back and the first tiem we had talked on the phone, 15 minutes later the guy was asking me out as though we had been out a thousand times before. So he came over pretty much right after I was done work, and we sat in my apartment taking for like...4 hours before, in the middle of a sentence, he was all "we should get dinner" then he finished his thought and off we went. We drove down to East, had a great meal, took forever to eat, then we sat around and talked, took the long way to his car...he drove me home, walked me to my door... AND THIS IS WHERE SHIT GETS FUZZY, PEOPLE, So I need helpful deciphering skillzzz: he drove me home, walked me to my door, and i was all "wanna come up?">HOE ALERT< he was all "i can't because i have to drive my granny to church, 'cause she's one of those church goin' grannies'' then he gave me a hug, said he'd talk to me later, and i said yeah, that i'd have to put his number in my phone and he's all "you should do that now" and then he said that i should call if i'm bored and he'll call me if he's bored.... and then he was gone into the night abuh? anywayZ. I guess people are long weekending? Unless you're me or Ayesha. Who were forced to work for the man every night and day. Except that the hoe has monday off:O Whereas one may as well just chain me to my cash register at second cup. WHO IS LUCKY IN THIS PICTURE? Oh and I'm also going to be applying at the downtown Sheraton for "Mini Bar Attendant" YA HEARD ME. Then I'd be working at the same place as wacko jacko. OMFG don't tell her I called her that or she'd gut me like a fish. SO there you have it, all my friends. There is a glimpse into the life that is mine.** every last one of you is privy to this info, so use it well. Be wise. and feel free to incorporate it into birographies, autobiographies, memoirs, novellas, graphic novels....what ever you feel see fit. Why, you ask? BECAUSE I AM JUST THAT GOOD! and really quite humble... :D who wants to go camping this summer, Ayesha?:D * Americans ** I finally saw Memoirs of a Geisha when I was in Germany...and i cried. SHUT UP.